Day 299: Harrison's Pot Roast

Last night teenager Harrison made a pot roast. He wasn't happy with how it tasted, so he asked if I could get another roast for tonight for him to try again. Me being the most patient and understanding mother around (if I don't say so myself) I accommodated his desire and picked up another roast!

Yummy is all I can say. How ever he prepared it differently, he scored. Spencer and I were in heaven. He also prepared homemade mashed potatoes (yes he boiled the potatoes, then mashed them, then added real butter and cream!) and with the juices from the roast we had ourselves a delicious pot roast dinner!

I love having a son that loves to cook! It's fabulous!

Day 292: Interesting Lecture

This morning I attended a lecture offered at the boys school sponsored by the PTA at Palisades Charter High School. Neighbor and dear gal pal Teresa Jones and I went together. The monthly programs have always sounded interesting, but with my crazy schedule I've never been able to attend. Today I made it happen!

The guest speaker was Dr. Richard Cohen, a well sought-after and respected psychologist who specializes in teens and their behaviors, and relationships with their families. He covers teen drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, anger, and a whole host of teenage related issues. And as we know there can be quite a few!

Teenagers are a breed to themselves. With changing hormones, peer pressure, wanting to fit "in", competitive school work, and exploring their sexuality, it is a rough time for them and can be a challenge for us parents as well.

So today Dr. Cohen discussed anger, and how it is a behavior so prevalent in teens. He is a licensed anger management specialist. He offered strategies parents can implement to avoid engaging in "battle" with their teens. He discussed how it's very "normal" behavior for teens to have angst, pressure, anxiety, and to take all these emotions out on their parents.

So if you are a parent raising teens now, know that you are not alone in this awkward stage in your child's life. Part of the separation process for adolescents is that they challenge their parents and assert their independence.

Know that as the parent you have the power to control the situation by how you react, how you engage, and what you say during these encounters.

It was a very interesting conversation and I benefited from hearing Dr. Cohen's thoughts and strategies. Parenting like marriage, and all our relationships, takes work, commitment and love. It is not by luck that your kids will ride these years absent of "issues", you must ensure that they do.

Day 289: Can't Teach the Teenagers to Drive

I just can't do it. Had a panic attack this afternoon and had to have one of the boys pull over as he was practicing driving with me. Poor kid, it wasn't his fault he was driving great!

For those of you who have had me as a passenger in their car, you know my phobia of others driving. I need to drive to have control. I am a horrible passenger and I will own that. So can you imagine me teaching two 15 year old boys how to drive!? I feel so bad that I can't do this, but I really can't ... too much fear of death or maiming!

I am a great Mom and have taught more things then I can remember to all three of my sons, but I am a failure at this one. I just don't have the nerves to be an effective and calm driving teacher. I truly fear for my life or of being maimed. I feel really sad that I can't let them drive me all over, but to preserve my sanity and our healthy relationship I believe it's best that they only drive with their Dad!

Ah, parenting!

Day 279: They Passed, Should I be Happy?

So the twin teenagers Harrison & Spencer passed their written driver's exam today, means they are now licensed to drive (with an adult 25 years or older in the car)! Be warned I say, stay off the road. All their friends are getting their learner's permits... it's the year of turning 16.

While I know it is a rite of passage to get your license and experience freedom in a car, it's not exactly something I relish. At 16 years young your brain is still mush. Your judgement is poor, your instincts not trained, your driving skills mild at best, and yet thousands of kids hit the road with a machine that is deadly.

I remember going through this entire experience with college boy. We had him drive us everywhere so he got as much experience behind-the-wheel as possible. That was a very smart move on our part. But it still scared the heck out of me. I never really slept till I heard him come home. Now that I think about it, I've really never slept deep since having children.

As with my older boy, we had Harrison & Spencer take their exam today, January 21, which is exactly 6 months till their 16th birthday's on July 21st. That way if they pass the driving test in July they will receive their license on their 16th birthday. That's a very cool feeling and I'm happy for them, just so ambivalent about it myself.

The thought of them driving on Pacific Coast Highway and so much freeway driving to get to and from their school scares the heck out of me. Oh well, I suppose we'll cross that impasse when it arrives.

In the meantime, we hit another milestone today in the raising of children. Why is it that none of these experiences, feelings, emotions, fears, or worries were ever explained in the delivery room?

Day 278: So Young, So Much Pain

Many of us are trying to grasp the unexplainable act of a teenage boy who jumped to his death this past Friday. A freshman at Santa Monica High School, a diligent student, a member of his high school baseball team, a boy with so much to live for and so many more years to travel.

I've been told his parents are inconsolable. I would only expect that. I mean my goodness, how could you continue to live knowing that your son was in so much pain that he chose to take his own life?

Did he call out for help? Did he tell his friends of his pain? His parents? Anyone? What goes through the mind of such a young person to push them to the point that they will jump from the 10th floor of a Hotel in front of his teammates? What rage? How aggressive. How terribly sad.

Not too long ago I wrote about a woman in our community who lost her son to a tragic accident. He was running with his track team when a car hit and killed him. I attended a memorial for this young boy and the pain was unbearable. A loss.

What I write about today has even more layers of pain. This boy chose to end his own life. The unbearable pain his parents, friends, classmates, coaches, community, Rabbi must all feel... did they do enough to recognize any signs he may have displayed? Did they pick up on any signals? How they are probably suffering second guessing all their actions.

This story just makes me sick to my core. As a mom of three teenage boys who have, and are still, travelling through adolescents -- no doubt a challenging time in one's young life -- I just can't bare this one.

What a loss. I'm so sad for his family. I really have no words to make this one better. Hug your children tightly tonight.

Day 192: The New Lingo

For those of you raising teenagers, you may be familiar with some of these words, or maybe not!

So tonight while eating dinner with Harrison & Spencer, and niece Olivia, my son Harrison says,

"Oh Mom that's because you're so FADED" ... I said what? How many of you know what that word/term means? Really, how many of you?

I consider myself a pretty cool & hip Mom ... I try to stay in tune with youthful attitudes through their music, interests and Face Book, but these terms just crack me up. What ever happened to Groovy, Bitchin' or Rad?

Turns out Faded means you are really high (as in stoned, not high on life!), but Harrison meant it as if I was so out of it not following their conversation so I was Faded, get it?

Or how about Sesh ... I'm in a sesh now (as I'm in a session of homework or whatever now).

Or you could use Dank to describe something really good.... this Blog is so Dank!

Stop being such a Noob, meaning a nerd or rookie!

You're looking so Fresh, as in fly or stylin'!

Or this is Legit, meaning you're down for this, it's legitimate!

Okay I'm laughing all over again just writing these silly words.... but every generation coins new phrases and words. I'm sure my parents laughed at all our "made-up" words and phrases to describe expressions, thoughts or feelings.

I mean "Face Book Me", didn't exist 7 years ago, now it's part of our English vernacular!

So I hope you think my blog is dank, I think it's pretty fresh ... I'm heading into another writing sesh and it will be legit because I won't be faded this time when I write my next post. Stop being a noob, and get with the program!

Day 190: Such Loss

I attended a Mass service this evening at a church in Sherman Oaks in honor of Conor Lynch, son of Jeri Lynch, a woman I met many years ago. Jeri and my good friend Matt Ober attended law school together. When Brian and I were introduced to Jeri many years ago she was an instant favorite. Full of life and always the life of a party.

The years have flown by and like us she too had three sons. I saw her about six years ago at Zachary Ober's Bar Mitzvah and we got all caught up on our boys and their very busy activities including lots of sports. Her son Conor was a cross country runner and a Junior at Notre Dame High School.

This week while running with his teammates he was hit and killed by a car. What a tragic loss for his beautiful Mom and Dad, his two Brothers, his Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and for his community.

As I sat on a pew during tonight's service I was surrounded by beautiful teenagers all there to show their honor and respect for a friend who had fallen too young. I was so overcome with sadness seeing all their beautiful faces, so young and full of life having to confront death so early on in life. How do you tell your son his best friend, classmate, teammate, has been killed at just 16 years old?

There's just something so wrong with a child leaving before his parents. There are no magic or comforting words to say in a situation like this. It was a horrific accident with fatal consequences. As a Mom I can't possibly comprehend the anguish Jeri must be experiencing.

I said a private prayer for Conor. Once again, hug your children.

Day 182: PSAT Day

You ask what is the PSAT? The Practice SAT of course! Harrison & Spencer and all their pals took the exam today. While they are only in 10th grade the idea is that you get students prepared by taking the test early on in High School. The score then can be used as a benchmark.

If you score poorly you've got plenty of time to bone up on your studies ... or if you do fairly well then you know you are on the right course. Key is exam strategy as these tests are timed and there is a lot of material to get through.

I picked up 6 boys after the test. I had to giggle at how damn cute these 15 year old boys are. They put a smile on my face everyday. Just the mundane simply things of listening to them talk in the car about music (mostly rap) or their friends or teachers ... I just relish being in their company.

They all reported that they felt the test was not too challenging, but that they didn't have enough time to complete all the sections. This is just a matter of learning test strategies and being more conscious of how much time you have per problem.

The reason we had so many kids to schelp home is because Spencer and his three classmates had to work on an English project. They read Cather in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger and had to put together an entire project on their thoughts of the book. They have worked all afternoon, with me feeding them for fuel. Talk about committed students!

All this was going on while my darling niece Olivia was over and we worked on her college application essays. What a massive undertaking that is! She has to submit different essays prompted by different questions for each University she is applying to. Geez, all the writing!

It's been a school day at the Simon's! All I can say is I'm really happy I'm not in school anymore, I couldn't keep up with these kids!

Day 118: A Comment From The Author!

Oh my gosh I can't control my excitement or my honor! I received a comment today on my Blog regarding my Day: 110 post about Summer Reading Assignments. The post was about how my High School boys, Harrison & Spencer, have reading assignments over the summer and how I feel about such homework over the summer.

I listed the titles and authors of the books the boys selected to read and shared with my followers how I always read the boys' summer selected books. I had started this when Brandon, the college boy, entered Middle School because I was curious about adolescence and believed that reading novels directed to this age group could enlighten me more about what is going on in those crazy minds during teenage years.

I shared in this post how I find reading teenage books a tremendous insight into what our teenagers are going through developmentally in their lives. I have always enjoyed this summer treat of reading their books.

Well, can you believe that one of the authors I listed actually found my BLOG and sent me a message! I mean can you believe this!?! I really am still in shock that a published author took the time to send me a message on my silly Birthday Blog! I am so honored and moved by her comment. Below is the beautiful message she sent me:

I had to comment here even though writers are not supposed to admit they ego-google. But I'm outing myself because I wanted to congratulate you on your wonderful and responsible attitude toward your children's reading assignments. It is a refreshing change from the growing number of parents who read children's books in order to censor not only what their own children are allowed access to but in attempt to control the reading choices of other children. There is so much quality work being written and published for kids and teenagers. Kudos to you for recognizing its value. Melissa Wyatt

(If Harrison has any questions about Funny How Things Change, tell him to feel free to contact me through my website: www.melissawyatt.com. I'd be delighted to respond.)

Needless to say I am in love with this woman for her thoughtfulness and that she took the time to respond so lovingly! You can bet that when Harrison & I finish reading Melissa Wyatt's book we will be following up with her! I'm thinking that perhaps we invite her to Palisades Charter High School to speak to his English class! I'm really so very touched that my post resonated with the author.

Maybe I am on to something with this blogging daily...maybe I do have some words that are worth reading...thank you Melissa for this wonderful boost for a local blogging writer!

Day 110: Summer Reading Assignments

Not sure if I appreciate the summer reading assignments given to the boys or resent the project. Haven't quite decided yet. Every summer I go through the same thoughts. Part of me rejoices that the boys have to read and are given this assignment. I feel grateful that they have to read a book or two accompanied by a very detailed writing assignment. The other part of me resents any assignment that interferes with summer. I tend to lean more in favor of the former, because if it were up to me I'd have them reading everyday, but I lost that battle a long time ago.

So today the boys selected their summer reading books. Harrison's going to read, Funny How Things Change, by Melissa Wyatt and Spencer will read All The Broken Pieces by Amy Burg. Neither one are easy reads. Both have difficult subject matter. The first deals with a teen struggling to make the right decisions post High School and the latter is about an adoptive Vietnamese boy who has to examine his past.

Call me funny or odd but I read the summer books they chose to read. I started this when Brandon hit High School. There's something very informative about reading novels directed to adolescence and the teenage years. When you read about characters in this age group and the issues they deal with, I believe it makes you appreciate and or understand what your own children might be going trhough in their lives. It's just another way for me to learn more about the developmental stages of this becoming of age period in their life.

I love to read and wish I found more time to do it. I go through periods where I always have a book on the nightstand and can't seem to put it down, to dry patches where I'm not reading anything. I can always count on the mid summer read with the teenage books though. Give it a try... read your son's or daughter's books this summer ... I think you just might enjoy the challenge and learn a little something a long the way.

Day 87: Saying Thank You

I am a believer that when you do something special for someone or give a special gift to someone it is nice to be told "Thank you", however, I don't give or do for others in order to receive the thank you! I give or do because I love the person I am doing for or because I derive pleasure from making others happy.

This all being said though it sure is nice when you are acknowledged in a special way, especially when it is a surprise. We returned home this past weekend from our annual trip up to Bass Lake and the next morning when I awoke I saw a card sitting on my desk titled Mom & Dad.

When I opened it I couldn't believe it ... it was a thank you card from the three boys. It was a card thanking Brian and I for their fabulous trip to Bass Lake. It wasn't fancy. Didn't have a lot of writing on it. Wasn't homemade. But none of that mattered. What counted is that they said "thank you" for something that means so much to them.

Teenagers are a breed onto themselves, us parents of them know this first hand. They are forgetful and sometimes not the most polite in acknowledging all that is done for them. So this little card with all their signed names really meant so much. It was a sweet way to top off a vacation that if you read my blog you know was not the best for me... but the note was sure a warm homecoming!

Day 60: Loving My Teenagers

So today's post will be brief, but I just have to share a special moment of the day. While most parents dread being in the company of their teenagers, I have to tell you I LOVE being around my boys and listening to them talk! Now don't think I'm crazy, I'm not sayin' every second of every day, but when you can grab moments of being in their company while they are communicative and sharing, it is golden!

Brian and I picked up Harrison & Spencer (our 14 year old twin teenagers) tonight from a friends house and a bunch of boys piled in the car. Listening to their conversations about their finals next week, other players on their baseball team, kids at schools, food, restaurants, it all warmed my heart so much!

I thought how empty my life would be if I didn't have youth in it to keep me young! Being around hopeful children who have nothing but their dreams to aspire to is so touching. It makes you believe that there are good things left in our world when most of the news you hear as an adult is so horrifying. When you sit and just listen to them talk about growing up and a bunch of teenage nonsense it allows you to remember a slice of your youth and all the dreams you too had.

If you have children in your world, hug them tight today, listen to them talk and know that you are blessed to have youth in your company -- no matter how annoying a teenager can be!