Day 9: Feeling Loved

Not sure how many of you spend time with elderly parents. If you know me well you know over my years I've been blessed to have a lot of parents! I know one should only have two, but in my case there have been more then that with all the marriages, divorces, and re-marriages.

Pictured here is Papa Jack with his six grandchildren.

Today I spent time with Papa Jack. He's pushing 83 now. Time has worn his face, his memory, but not his love for me. He brags to the waiter at the restaurant about how I just ran the marathon. He tells me how beautiful I am, how fantastic my husband Brian is, and how athletic my boy's are. He loves us all so very much and I feel his love to my core.

He repeats himself often. Okay maybe more then often. He shares the same stories more then once, or twice, but I don't mind. I just enjoy his company and listening to him reminisce. We talk about what a bitch it is to get old. You lose your life pretty much. He was a brilliant attorney for some 50 years. Now he watches as many Dodger & Laker games as he can. Not a bad gig, I know, but it just doesn't seem fair.

You live an enriched life, then everything slows down. Your body, your mind, pretty much everything.

He tells me he spends a lot of time just thinking. Pondering. He believes in an after-life. That by believing in his God you could live for eternity. He wishes I shared his religious commitment so that I could live forever too with him. I think one of the kindest words someone ever told me was when he told me how much he'd want me to truly live forever because I am such a good person.

This was a really, genuine from the heart compliment and I've been joked up ever since he told me this earlier today. I feel really loved.

Day 315: Go Bearcats, Go Brandon!

Oh my gosh! Today was a moment in time. Have you ever experienced a time where you just want to freeze the moment so you can soak it up more? Well that was me today.

Being a parent is the most challenging & rewarding work a person can perform... and when a moment like today comes along, you know all your efforts were worth the heartache.

College boy Brandon was starting today... meaning the starting pitcher for the second game in a 4 game series that Willamette University was playing in Southern California. This morning's game was against Claremont-McKenna, part of the 5 Claremont Colleges, in Claremont, California. If you live in the area you know that today was the coldest day on record for Los Angeles county.

We arrived prepared with jackets, hats, blankets, and umbrellas. When we arrived at the ball field after an hour drive, a stop at Subway to pick up 50 sandwiches for Brandon's teammates, a caravan of two cars with 8 people, and a hot chocolate stop... we finally sat in the stands and thought the sky has cleared, we are good to go for Brandon's starting game. And then all hell broke loose.

It began to hail, no joke, down pouring of rain and hail! It was crazy. The hosting ball players had to roll out the tarp (no easy job!) to cover the field to prevent damage and we had to wait it out. Luckily mother nature was on our side and after about 15 minutes the skies opened up again and the sun peered through. While it was freezing, it was not raining so it was time to PLAY BALL. And did we play ball!

Brandon Simon took the mound like a pro ... even after 15 years of watching him pitch, my stomach still swirled especially because here he was in front of his parents, his brothers, his brother's friends, his Aunt Michele and cousins Esme & Olivia and all the fans and I know he wanted to deliver.

Pictured here with Brandon is his cousin Olivia, aka, his little sister!

And deliver he did. He pitched 8 innings out of a 9 inning game. He threw 99 pitches, 6 strikeouts and the Bearcats won with a 4-1 score. It was magical. Pure excellence and command of the field. It was a moment, and one I will never forget!

Your children will make choices you may not support, they may disappoint you with decisions you believe to be foolish, but a day like today reinforces that all the hours you spent at the ball park watching them play t-ball and beyond, all the meals you prepared, all the time you gave to them and not yourself, does pay-off. Luck doesn't raise healthy children, you do!

Thank you Brandon for being a remarkable 20 year old young man!

Day 292: Interesting Lecture

This morning I attended a lecture offered at the boys school sponsored by the PTA at Palisades Charter High School. Neighbor and dear gal pal Teresa Jones and I went together. The monthly programs have always sounded interesting, but with my crazy schedule I've never been able to attend. Today I made it happen!

The guest speaker was Dr. Richard Cohen, a well sought-after and respected psychologist who specializes in teens and their behaviors, and relationships with their families. He covers teen drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, anger, and a whole host of teenage related issues. And as we know there can be quite a few!

Teenagers are a breed to themselves. With changing hormones, peer pressure, wanting to fit "in", competitive school work, and exploring their sexuality, it is a rough time for them and can be a challenge for us parents as well.

So today Dr. Cohen discussed anger, and how it is a behavior so prevalent in teens. He is a licensed anger management specialist. He offered strategies parents can implement to avoid engaging in "battle" with their teens. He discussed how it's very "normal" behavior for teens to have angst, pressure, anxiety, and to take all these emotions out on their parents.

So if you are a parent raising teens now, know that you are not alone in this awkward stage in your child's life. Part of the separation process for adolescents is that they challenge their parents and assert their independence.

Know that as the parent you have the power to control the situation by how you react, how you engage, and what you say during these encounters.

It was a very interesting conversation and I benefited from hearing Dr. Cohen's thoughts and strategies. Parenting like marriage, and all our relationships, takes work, commitment and love. It is not by luck that your kids will ride these years absent of "issues", you must ensure that they do.

Day 288: First Driving Lesson

Today teenagers Harrison & Spencer took their first "professional" driving lessons. They both drove for two hours... on Sunset Boulevard & Pacific Coast Highway! Yikes is all I can say. Can't believe the instructor took them on such busy streets their first time out on the road, but hey if they are going to drive in Los Angeles they better get very comfortable with our crazy, boulevards, highways, and freeways!

All I can say is better the instructor from the driving school, then me! I know they are going to be asking to drive home after school on a daily basis... that means driving on PCH and the 405 freeway. I better wrap my arms around the adventure that will be mine for the next 6 months!

Ah, parenting!

Day 286: When Your Child Has A Bad Day

Hey parents, bet no one told you this in the delivery room!

When your son or daughter is in pain, the world feels like it's off-balance. No parent wants to see their child hurt, disappointed, pained, angry, or frustrated, but these are emotions we all confront in life.

Allowing your child to experience defeat, or frustration or disappointment is being a good parent. We can't always "save" them. Can't always make it "better." We can, however, let them know that we love them, are here for them if they need to talk, and will always support them.

So today one of my son's had a tough day. We talked, made a plan of action, and I gave him all the space and support he needed. I encouraged him, and then I had to let him go. He would either survive the "challenge" or not. But the power was and is within him.

Thankfully he weathered "the storm" successfully and it was a good day. Not sure what tomorrow will bring. No parent is. You can only lay a solid foundation of what your expectations are for your children, instilling them with the values you hold to be true, love them, cuddle them, discipline them... and then trust that with your guidance they will make the right decisions.

No one ever said parenting was easy.

Day 240: Beaches, Babies, Beautiful

I ran today on the bike path at the beach this morning. Oh my gosh, such a magnificent day. Sun was shining, sky was blue and I couldn't help but be grateful that we lived in sunny California! As you watch news reports of the blizzards and dangerous weather conditions pounding the country, it was hard to imagine, as all I saw were miles of sunshine and coastline.

Running is hard enough, but when the scenic route is this beautiful it does make the pain of the run much more palatable. I ran a little later then normal this morning so there was a different vibe at the beach. And because it was a very unseasonable warm day, there were many more people out and about than usual.

I usually stop for water and a bathroom break at the Annenberg Center at the beach, have you visited there yet? Oh my goodness what a treasure that her estate donated to Angeleno's. If you have not gone yet or taken the family, put it on your list of places to visit. Anyway, it's next door to Back on the Beach restaurant and there is a darling play area in the sand for the little tykes. It was full of Mommies and babies today. The sun will do that ... parents want to get the kids out of the house when it's this gorgeous outside.

I couldn't help but look at all the scrumptious children, from little tiny ones to toddlers. What a flashback I had. There are days where I feel like it was a million years ago that my three sons played in the sand and on the swings, and then other days I feel like it was just yesterday.

Depending on my mood I can either have a moment of sadness that those years are gone, or a moment of happiness that I relished those days and now have older more independent children. I always feel like telling the young mom's to soak up the moment ... that the joy of these days, raising your babies is priceless and should not be viewed or experienced as a burden, but rather as a privilege.

I felt privileged too. That I was able to run, that my body allowed me to and that I had the strength to take this glorious run. That the sun was shining. That my three boys are healthy. That I have raised them to be respectful young men. For a moment I wished I could travel back in time and be sitting in the sand building sand castles and giggling with the boys.... but it's pretty cool to enjoy them as teenagers too ... no matter what age your children are, every day with them is a gift.

Thank you darling babies for putting a smile on my face. Babies have a way of reminding us how precious and fragile life is ... if you have a chance to sit at the park or go to the beach and watch the babies play, I promise you will feel at peace and be reminded that there are miracles in this chaotic world we live in.

Day 159: A Son's Love

Just when you feel as if your children don't appreciate all you do for them ... a beautiful reminder comes along to let you know that all your years of making them a priority, made a difference...

All the endless cooking,
And all the endless cleaning,
All the endless times at the park,
And all the times you sat in the dark,
That is love.

When you read me stories, by my bed at night,
It was nothing short of a beautiful sight,
And even when I was having a rough day,
I was able to see, that everything, would be okay,
That is love.

Not only she, but he as well,
You were there every time I fell,
Every hit I got and every pitch I made,
You were constantly there, in the giant crowd,
No matter what, always proud,
That is love.

That is love; it makes us rise above,
Stronger than ever,
Without us, there's no one better,
I love you both as you do me,
I love you Mom and Dad,
You and me will gladly be,family forever...
Because that is love.

Don't ever underestimate the power of parenting or the importance of the work you perform. There is no greater bond then the love between child and parent. My 19 year old son, Brandon wrote this poem in his college creative writing course.

Day 117: Where I'd Be Right Now

Had I opted to go to Law School, I'd be in class right now! School started this week. Not sure how I'm feeling about it. On one hand I'm bummed that another year will pass without working toward my law degree, but on the other hand I am relieved!

Relieved that I don't have the financial commitment and relieved I don't have the brain commitment.

I can't imagine juggling the class load with my boys still needing to be parented. I've talked about this before. For all you naysayers who don't believe teenagers need parenting, I'd like to see how screwed up your kids are... or you don't have children so I really don't give a damn what your opinion is on this parenting issue.

I opted to not pursue law school because it would cost me close to 100k and I just can't justify that expense with three sons to put through college. Brian and I made a pact a long time ago that if possible we want the boys to graduate school debt free. It's an ambitious goal considering the cost of college. We already have one in a private university and who knows what the other two will opt for.

I've had my run with school. I went to both undergraduate and graduate school and hold a Master's Degree. I paid for that degree for many years after graduating and it ain't fun, so if possible the boys will not have to carry this debt. That doesn't mean they don't have to pull their weight. Translation: they either are collegiate athletes or collegiate workers!

Anyway back to the law school issue... given the way our business has been the past few years (meaning very down!) and the uncertainty of the economy, I just couldn't make the plunge and feel like a responsible adult doing it ...

So while a part of me is very disappointed, the other part of me is happy that I can continue being the Mom I want to be to my boys while not running our family into debt. It means also that I can continue working in politics and continue to make change to better the lives of women. Not a bad gig I say.

Maybe I'll win the lottery when the boys are all in college and then I can enroll in law school... who knows, but for today, I'm content not laboring over law books!

Day 86: Rewarding Hard Work

Whew, what a day. I'm exhausted. Spent time visiting the kid sister Jennifer whose in the hospital following our trip to Bass Lake where several of us caught a virus -- food related perhaps. Had several tests done myself to see if I had/have the same food virus. Ran umpteen errands for the family, cooked the yummy shrimp & pasta dinner for 7 teenagers then made a trek with 4 of them over to the local Target for a big purchase.

Brian and I have never been the parents who say "you'll get a dollar for every good grade you bring home on your report card" or similar comments. We have always told our boys to work hard, apply themselves and do their best. If their best is always an A so be it, or if it is less than this so be it, but if they know in their hearts they worked hard then we are always happy to praise and acknowledge a job well done.

Harrison & Spencer completed their first year of High School magnificently. And I don't just mean because they aced their academics, but they really mastered this freshman year well. They hung in there with an enormously difficult baseball program and both made the Palisades Baseball Team. They collected a whole new lot of terrific friends who I am happy to welcome in my home at any time, and all along the way they maintained a stellar GPA.

As parents all you really want for your children is for them to be happy & healthy. That really is the bottom line and everything above this is like the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae.

I had told the boys that if they ended their first year of High School with the best grades they could achieve then a reward would be granted. I just saw them working so hard and really maturing during this very emotional and challenging first year of High School and I wanted to acknowledge this hard work. They made good on their promise and so did I tonight. So we piled in the car both of them and two friends and headed to Target where we bought an XBOX 360 -- for those of you who don't know what that is it's a video game console. My boys didn't have one (schocking because it seems like everyone does).

They were very grateful, but I was even more grateful. Grateful & thankful that they surround themselves with good friends, thankful they are very healthy, thankful they are bright and school is a natural for them, and mostly grateful because they are my two beautiful sons.

Day 58: Adventoursome Teen

So you'd have to be living in a basement here in Los Angeles if you have not heard of Abby Sunderland, the Thousand Oaks 16 year old teenager who attempted to sail around the world. She sailed out of Marina Del Rey in January with Bon Voyages from her parents, siblings and supporters. Unfortunately last week her and her boat met with Mother Nature and treacherous waves sunk her boat and left her afloat in the middle of the ocean some 400 miles from land. Thank goodness this brave young woman survived the brutal ocean waves and was rescued by a French fishing vessel.

I actually believe the waves made at home in public opinion have been greater then the waves Abby confronted on the ocean! Talk about a fire storm of opinions and critics weighing in on this expedition. Her parents have been called "crazy" and worse for allowing their teenage daughter to take such a voyage -- her older brother - by one year - made the trip successfully just last year. Her folks have been lamented for being abusive and irresponsible. While others have complimented them for raising their children (there are seven with an 8th child due any second) with passion for sailing and chutzpah to handle themselves independently of their parents.

I'm somewhere in the middle.

Okay don't get hysterical if you think I'm crazy too for finding some value in their parenting... let me speak my case before you go crazy yourself! My initial reaction to both of their children making such a trip, was oh my gosh they have too many children so they don't care if one gets lost at sea! But after learning more about Abby and her training then I thought good for them for teaching their children enormous responsibility, confidence and a great taste for adventure. I mean while most parents are worrying about whether their kid gets into the "right" college their daughter is living a once in a life time adventure that she loves and that as far as I can see probably teaches her more about life then any 4 year academic program could ever begin to!

I almost envy them and their kids for being so bold and strong. I mean isn't that the goal of parents? To raise our children to be curious and adventuresome? And yes of course all that while also protecting them. Our first job as a parent is to protect our kids. Make sure they eat right, sleep enough, study efficiently, play with the right friends, on an on. But perhaps in our quest for all this we lose sight of also allowing them to be who they are and if that includes sailing the world (at any age) then perhaps we need to embrace the person they are. Or not. Some parenting experts are saying it is the job of the parent to say the risks are to high.

I mean if Abby had been 25 years old the waves would still have gobbled her and her boat up. The ocean doesn't care how old you are.

It does, however, matter how experienced you are, and from what I have read, Abby is quite an experienced sailor. Okay for a 16 year old because how experienced could she be, right? I know you are saying that out loud as you read this post.

I guess I'm just ambivalent on this one. I mean is the public outcry because she is a "girl"? Is it because she is "16" (the age we allow our children to drive an automobile which many believe is far more dangerous than the ocean), or is it because we believe the mind and body are just not mature enough to handle an adventure of this magnitude alone? Not sure. All I know is that I'm very happy this beautiful and gifted teenage sailor is home safe.

I am also proud that she has a spirit that for many takes a life time to meet. She inspires me and I could be her mother.