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Friday, June 11, 2010

Day 53: After 40 Years Would You Call It Quits?

Not that it's any ones business, but I know we all heard the news about Tipper & Al Gore breaking up after 40 years of marriage. I mean really after 40 years what's the point! But in all seriousness, sometimes passionate love simmers to a deep friendship and admiration for a beautiful life built together, but the passion and hot lovin', just isn't happening. From what I have heard and read, that appears to be what has happened with the Gore's. But why does anyone care about their marriage? It's their life and their choice. I'm sure it didn't help matters that their daughter also filed for divorce days after their announcement. Ouch, a lot of stuff goin' on in the Gore family. But again, people marry and share great lives together and even after 40 years there comes a time to call it quits and that's entirely their business.

I'm no therapist so I'm not going to psychoanalyze their marriage or anyone elses's relationship, but as a person who has been married once and for a long time now, I can say with complete authority, that marriage is tough work and even the best of us fall short of making it perfect. It requires constant attention, nurturing, and growing in parallel directions, which is tricky as people can grow in different directions. And if you are a public couple, as the Gore's are, this additional pressure was probably too much.

I've often said that if Brian and I spilt up I would never marry again. I have my children so why get married again? I guess you really don't know til you are in that position. But all this sharing of space is just a bit much. I personally think everyone should live in separate houses and date... that way you can have your alone time and when you want time together then you are very proactive about making it happen. I think that would be an ideal situation for all married couples. I mean what's with always having to be in each other's space? It's too much!

I have floated my ideas before with my married girlfriends and they all agree, dating your spouse would be so much more fun then always having to be together. I mean why not? Remember how fun it was to date? You could be flirty and fun when dating and not worry if the trash was taken out, the dog fed, the kids picked up -- it was just about the two of you! When you are married for many years the flirty turns into flannel pajamas and the fun is often only when you have a night out with the girls!
Unless, you work on making it not that way!

For all you single ladies who think being married is the advantage, get a life. It takes a lot of patience, cooperation, commitment and work. The rewards are plentiful if you have a partner to share your life with, but that's only if you have a true marriage based on partnership. Not all marriages function this way... if they did we wouldn't have 50 percent of married couples getting a divorce.

So while we all like a happy ending, and wish that couples like the Gore's - High School sweethearts, political champions, beautiful & handsome, four children, the entire package was perfect and a fairytale marriage. We want couples like this to stay together because it gives us hope that perhaps our marriage can be like theirs. The truth is that people sometimes can love one another but no longer be in love, and even the best relationships run their course.
Feel blessed if your relationship is still smokin' and if it's simmering, turn up the heat!


Anonymous said...

This was an AWESOME post Robyn - Love it! Love you!

Robyn Ritter Simon said...

Thank you !!!!

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Thank you so much for your interest in my 49th year! I appreciate your support! -Robyn